Goodbye, but NOT farewell. Yes, i'm sorry to say, I'm leaving you blogger. I'm starting to fill up this journal to the brim, so I've started another: DISAGREEABLE TO THE AESTHETIC WORLD

I've also made another layout...enter WARHOL BARBIE 3.0 So long ..farwell Blogger.

No worries, i'll return to this server when i fill up livejournal.com. [ if you know me by now, that will be sooner than you think ! ]

Oh we're signed up for volunteering Pffft, i'm SO done with charity work. My brother came home from band camps and said "Oh Roni signed us up for the trolley driving on Sunday" I was like, HELL no. Dude...the whole principle of "signing up" for something is that you do it on your own free will. Pfft yeah right, i'm not fucking going. I have a life you know. Ok, well maybe not...but i don't wanna go. I really don't find pleasure in hanging out with my brother and his friends...sorry but..they're my brother's friends. Then again, my friend left for college. I'm a huge mess. Meh. Being lonely sucks. I woke up at noon again. watched some tv...went on the internet. I changed my rateapix.com picture...i'm giving that site a run for their money ! Hahahaha. Anyway. Mark came home from band camp, he showed me the t-shirt for this year...it looks like they're a geriatric group from Florida. Coincidentally, the band trip is set in Florida. Well my brother left to go volunteer at the fair...so..er i'm by myself again. I need money...I need to get outta here...I need my friends...I need a smoke...hahaha.

it'll all be alright, tell him well this seemingly uneventful day has progressed into somewhat entertaining. i woke up early cuz i slept early..[2AM ! ] freaking A. so i went on the internet..got depressed cuz it sank in that chandi and rachl left me. i couldn't even watch tv. i started downloading music on my computer...and left it..i made some noodles and got sick of them...i sat there under the ceiling fan..then iwent to play with fire again. Then mark came home...brought drifters with him..hahahah. Then dad came home with pictures they were of our disneyland trip...they're great pix. If they're not showing up, i'm not done yet ! Anyway...Diana called to get leesa's number. But i didn't have it...so she came to pick me up, i was bored. We dropped shannon at home and we went to charisa's . She's so cute and she showed me her hip surgery scars. Arthur made us chicken dinner and stuff, it was yum. Then me and diana met chrissy at the movies to see signs. That was scary, i like dove into chris' lap. freaking A. We put gas into diana's car and drove to In n Out. We talked about shit and ate fries. Then chris drove me home. Anyway...i'm scanning pics now.

YeLLoDuCKiE1: Dude ! Signs was scary !
sm00thC2iminal: haha yeah
sm00thC2iminal: did you like it
YeLLoDuCKiE1: yeah it was kool
sm00thC2iminal: the ending was cool
YeLLoDuCKiE1: like prolly an hour into the movie, Chris was like "Whoa, i didn't know this was an alien movie.."
YeLLoDuCKiE1: he thought it was a horror flick.
sm00thC2iminal: what and idiot
sm00thC2iminal: an*
YeLLoDuCKiE1: lol
sm00thC2iminal: haha
sm00thC2iminal: do crop circles give any damn hint
YeLLoDuCKiE1: he didn't know what they were
sm00thC2iminal: lol haha
sm00thC2iminal: poor chris

Even my brother won't hang out with me My mom got called into work ridiculously early this morning... 7 ! I had to go because she didn't wanna drive home to pick me up for my Orthodontist appt. So...err i drag myself outta bed, take a shower and shove my contacts and stuff into my zebra bag...along with scholarship stuff and my book, Mansfield park. I'm finally on the last episode...10 more chapters ...75 pages ~! i can do it ! I went to the cafeteria already feeling sick from waking up so freakin early. So i order a ton of food, that always helps. I got bacon, eggs and hash browns and iced tea...yum...well until half way through my meal..ew i felt my stomach gurgle in a bad way. So i read my book to get my mind off of it. I then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Yeah. That was yummy. I walked around 2tower saying hi to people. Then i took my scholarship papers...and claimed my 500 dolla scholarship from the volunteer office. I hung out there for a bit...got sick of Mrs. Sullivan and went back to the cafeteria to read..i read like 2 chapters and went back to the office to write notes on the wall for the volunteers. Mark got mad cuz i didn't say goodbye to him...freaking A, i live with him..he's my brother.

11 rolled around and my mom came by to pick me up. We walked to the ortho office. Dr. Stoll. He's really nice and his secretary needs ritalin. I start my treatment next week. I have a cross bite in the back of my mouth, but in the front i have a massive overbite. So...er don't laugh too hard when you see me next week. We walked back to the car and my mom drove me to rachel's...we waited for chandi...and we all went to sharky's. Me and rach shared nachos while chandi woofed down the large quesadilla. My mom gave me money and the two guys showed up...chrissy and what's his face. We chilled for a bit then drove to the mall. We split up...looking for stiped shirts...pretzels...and such. Rachel had to return some shoes in mervyns..so she told us to find her some striped shirts...she wanted to take pics with me and chandi..but us two brown people were wearing striped shirts..so she felt left out. Me and chris gathered striped shirts and sat on a display case waiting for her...it had been 10 minutes and chand i and amit found us..we all chilled for another 10 minutes...we thought rachel was kidnapped ~! AMBER ALERT ! freaking A..we split up and looked all around the store...and well finally she walked INTO the store...she had gone out. ARGGG. Dude..scared us. She said she went by the clothes but didn't see us. Dude..we were so loud, how could you not notice us there?

We went to the picture place ...rachel bought a shirt..left the tag on...took pictures in it and returned it. We have 4 poses...on the first one, i was supposed to face rachel...and like my boob tapped her humungous one..and like i had to distance myself in the picture..click here to see what i mean., you'll see what i mean. two were boring poses..but they turned out cute..the last pose was on a set of stairs..we were told to lay across them..i was like..DUDE chandi's at my BUTT. lol...we thought it was the worst pose...but it turned out the best and we ended up picking it. We had to wait an hour before we could pick the pose..so we went with rach to return her shirt..i went to the eye place to pick up my contacts. Then amit left...and they..[sniff sniff...yeah.] anyway...chandi caught up with us at the T-mobile store..she was frowning. We then drove to vons..chandi had to do bank stuff. The rest of us went to visit kelso at her ice cream shop. I had a sundae and chris bought ice cream. We talked and realized we had to meet my mom at target. So we went, i met her..she got a cute haircut...we went to the bank while chris said goodbye to my sisters. He made rachel cry ! [sshhhh !!!] haha i got my own bank account now...and an atm card. So they picked me up and we ventured back to the mall, picked our poses..waited for them to print..we walked around various stores..i looked at "lighters" again while rachel tried to buy a phone...we picked up our pictures and drove to my house.

My mom took pix of us on the bench and on the couch..they said bye to my brother, my dad and mom...and we got outside...i hugged rachel in a funny way, i didn't want her boobs to touch me. I didn't make her cry. I hugged chandi and she kissed my head...[one time she said.."Hey stop eating my head !" and " i like that one comedian...carrot head ! "]...more like my hair, kinda freaked me out..and well they drove off. I was sad for a complete five minutes and left again with my brother to Jimmy's eatery to eat myself out of my misery....we went to ralphs and bought water balloons for the band camp thing tomorrow...and well i'm home now...gonna play with fire....i'm all lonely.

record time In my vapid lonliness and boredom..i decided to celebrate and embrace the horrible existance i now know as my life...i made a spin-off layout of my first site. I crown thee Bitterness Barbie 1.5: Celebrating the lonliness What makes this even better is that i spit out the site in record time. I found a new midi...made new intros and imagemaps..uploaded and coded in 20 minutes. FREAKING 20 minutes. It's getting really easy now and i think i might pursue this as a serious hobby in the future.

not toothless anymore Yes folks, i have a full set of teeth now. Hahah i no longer look like a pirate ! Yes ! I woke up at 9 to the phone ringing...i thought someone was home to answer it..but nahhhh..so i got up and answered. I had a dentist appt. at 2pm...an emergency. I showered and waited for my dad to come home at noon. He came..we got to the office at 1...he left me, he had a meeting to go to. Since i was an "emergency" case, i was given a room, but they only serviced my tooth in 5 minute increments every hour i think...it seemed like that. Before i started to doze off, Dr. Bamshad came in...look at my mouth..looked at the tooth i had put in the ziplock...looked at papers and handed the case file to Dr. Hernandez. I like her..she's my favorite doctor out of the others.

There's Dr. Nguyen, she's really sweet..she's done some of my fillings, she doesn't speak english that well. Dr. Bamshad kinda hurt my mouth when he did my fillings all fast...he's kinda weird. Dr. Saidara is really nice, he's sweet and kinda talks like Jason Alexander mixed with Kramer. Some weird Arabian accent also mixed in..haha. The nurses are hilarious...they're all happy all the time ..Only two really have worked on me...Dee dee and Lola. Dee dee is a big afro woman..she's the most experienced nurse out of all of them. She probably knows my case file the best too, I've had her almost each time except for the last few. Lola is a thin mexican girl...she's NOT the most experienced one out of all of them, i guess they make her work on me to gain experience. So today Lola and Dr. Hernandez worked on me today. At first 4 years ago...Dr. Hernandez would lecture me about my teeth all the freakin time..but nowadays..she just tells me filipino jokes and sings while she drills. Lola has this annoying voice..kinda nasily and high pitched at the same time, if possible.

So the procedure went as follows: Dr. H shot me 4 times...from the top over the gap in my mouth and under. Lola stuck the sucker in my mouth while Dr. drilled behind my stub. It was no problem because i had gotten a root canal in that tooth about 5 years ago..they fitted me with a metal post, cast it twice [ because Lola messed the first one up] , and capped the stub with a temporary cap. I got out..stretching, i had been in that damn chair for 4 hours ! Freaking A. So i waited for my mom to pick me up...she paid..and we went outside. I waited because she forogt her keys on the counter...and as i waited...this woman and three children were walkin by me. She was yelling and hooting cuss words and stuff..and when she passed me she said " And kids, that's what its like to not match"...OMg she was referring to me ! i wanted to stab her in the eye with a pen ~! Anyway..my mom had to go back to work..so she dropped of at Rachel's house..at least i get to see her before she leaves. She was packing... we chilled, ate bread, chicken, cookies and watched the simpsons...talked about Kevin and Chris..hahahahahaha. Anyway, my mom picked me up and well now she's yelling at me to do the dishes....haha.. toodles.

drive you to die.. yeah today was a waste of my life. I mean i'm on the internet all night usually...but i can't do that in the daytime. Its just a waste, cuz no one's there to talk to. Like...FUCK..what am i supposed to do if i can't get outta here dude? I was lectured into the grim realization that I'm gonna be dependent on my damn parents for the next 5 years....oh yeah, i forgot..i'm a spoiled, rich, asian kid. hopefully, i find someone to take me away from alla this shit. I loved the feeling of being so free on that boat on Saturday..like i was flying. Little things can piss me off yanno and when people IM me and say "HI !!!!" and say they have to go, BEFORE i can even respond. DUDE you're killin me. That kinda thing can drive a person to suicide. Really..it CAN. God..i feel so..unwanted, yanno that feeling? its like i'm gagged and wanna scream. The worst thing to do to a person in this vulnerable and delicate state...is build that person up and break them down two seconds later.

anyway i talked to chandi last night...seems that her "buddy" err..made the moves on her on her birthday. COUGHfor5minutesCOUGH...that made my night.i was half excited, half grossed out for her. Just kidding, i'm kool with that farkin character. Ken and Lee cheered me up a lot. Yanno, simple chit chat that makes me smile saves me from myself. Thank you. [high five]

I was bored and took the "Date-able test" on thespark.com Ken took it too..we got different percentages..he gotta 75% and i got a 68%, but we got the same result thing. Now i'm starting to doubt the credibility of these online tests ! haha..

Damn, J-Lo! You are...
68%
dateable! Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man (or woman.) Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand."

manic depressive day i swear, my outlook on today was pretty good. I cleaned my room, talked to chris, downloaded a bunch of Lauryn Hill. Chandi called and said she was meeting whats his face over here so they can go to dinner in Valencia. She came over, watched some tv, had some chips and pepsi...she changed..picked up her party pics from wal mart, came back...and she sat there talkin to my parents..they were having a good time. Then...her "buddy" arrived. I answered the door..it was great. He was mega-slouched kinda lowering his head saying very timidly and and rehearsed "Is Chandana home?" I just started cracking up dude. I like fell on the ground. He came in..and they left saying things like "Thanks mom, bye mom !" haha i was like.."Ok you kids be careful now !" Yeah..then i started watching this Michael Jackson 30th anniversary thing on VH1. And i was biting into a soft, dried papaya...and my tooth fell out ~!

OMG, my right crown fell out...its like a front tooth..i started freaking out and my mom didn't pay ANY attention to me, she was on the phone. She put her finger up in my face giving me the "wait a minute" look. I started to cry and she didn't even look at me. I was freaking wiggin out dude. I went to the bathroom to look at it and the decapitated tooth. It was kinda bleeding..and it actually hurt. When they put the crown on...they gave me a root canal...shaped the dead tooth into a stub so that they could put a whte gold cap on it...Well the stub broke off with the cap..so i'm fucking screwed...denture time for me. So after assessing my situation, i walked out of the bathroom to my mother who had finished talking on the phone. I showed her and her reaction was..laughter. She was fucking laughing at me. I wanted to stab her in the face. She called the dentist's office almost crying with laughter. Yeah..fucking pound down my self esteem. I sat there hugging my pillow trying to get my mind off of it. I looked in the mirror and ...it looks horrible. So horrible..that i forgot to cry. Now i probably won't be able to see chandi or rachel this week cuz i'll be busy fixing my teeth. God damn..why am i so cursed? And when bad things happen to me...they come in groups!! Why the fuck does this happen to me? WHY? It fucking tears me apart...it does..it does....

watching tv for once. Yeah , i actually plunked my mini-ass on the ground in front of the tv and watched Road Rules. I actually like this season. I just refuse to watch Real World. So yeah, i was watching upstairs because my mom came home with food and my father came downstairs and changed the fucking channel. My brother just left for Chandi's party, with my camera. WHOA..WAIT A TICK. HOLD THE PHONE..Jenn doesn't watch TV ! Whoa !! why isn't she going to Chandi's party? Jenn's been grounded for the first time in her fucking insignificant life. Yeah it started kinda yesterday...i went waterskiing and was dead tired, so i slept the entire way home. I missed my mother's phonecalls and voicemails. So i just went home and fell asleep. At like 3..she wakes me up and yells at me, saying i'm grounded. Meh i didn't pay attention..i was fucking tired. so after i watched real world..my mom was yelling for me to come downstairs to eat lunch with them..Meh i wasn't hungry. She started yelling at me..both her and my dad were lecturing me about my responsibilities and having a phone has gone to shit becauuse i dont answer it when they call. Well if they would fucking lighten up and not yell at me everytime they talk to me..maybe i'd fucking lighten up too. My mom then tried the motherly approach by crying and holding my arm. Meh, and i kinda pulled my arm back..i don't like it when people touch me, especially ones i don't like. And as usual, i sat there and gave her my "look of disdain". Then she tried the silent approach. she's such a fucking child. The phone rang and she didn't get up. I did and talked to my grandmother..my mom didn't move. I passed the phone along and went upstairs and here i am. I could be saying goodbye to one of my best friends...But no i'm downloading and listening to Eminem and diggin "Hailey's song".

Hekate84: hey jenn, what's your e-mail?
YeLLoDuCKiE1: yelloduckie1@aol.com
Hekate84: well, that's simple enough
Hekate84: thanks
YeLLoDuCKiE1: haha..yeah.
YeLLoDuCKiE1: am i to expect something entertaining in the e-mail box?
Hekate84: nope
YeLLoDuCKiE1: bah hum-bug.
Hekate84: inquiring minds wanted to know
YeLLoDuCKiE1: wow, plural. I feel special for some reason.
Hekate84: i have multiple personalities
YeLLoDuCKiE1: Even better.
Hekate84: right; i still want to know if, when a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide if it's a hostage situation
YeLLoDuCKiE1: depends if the others agree or not.
Hekate84: ah, that's true
YeLLoDuCKiE1: hey, ya never know..that one that pretends to be happy might wanna go too.
YeLLoDuCKiE1: What a mood i'm in.
Hekate84: odd mood?
YeLLoDuCKiE1: well, i've been grounded for the first time in my life.

time to get my mind offa illegal drugs and depression

My Romance Meter

Optimist 35% . . 65% Cynic Close 5% . . 95% Distant Long Term 4% . . 96% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

Ok, now that's just rude Yeah now both my fucking parents are acting like children. They opened all the windows in the house..and we live in the AV, so...things get blown around here...curtains..doors..drawers. So...the door to my bathroom keeps slamming open and shut...and the drawer opened too. So...the door was then prevented from opening because of the open drawer and it just kept making noise. So my dad got up and tried to close the drawer with a hanger so that the door would open. But he was using his foot to keep the door open a crack...but thatwas preventing the drawer from closing..i tried telling him..in a nice manner..and he burst yelling at me saying "YOU GOTTA BETTER IDEA? THEN YOU FUCKING DO IT" and he threw the hanger on the ground. Oh my geez, what a freak i swear. So took a yardstick and pushed it through the crack and tapped the back of the drawer so that it would go in..it worked and i told my father [ who then sat at the computer] that the door was now open. And he was like.. "GOOD..IT WAS YOUR FAULT IT GOT LIKE THAT ANYWAY..." well fuck you asshole. fuck you.

if Road rules can, I can ! Oh dude, i woke up so early...unnecessarily EARLY. FARKIN chris. Ok i woke up at 6:30 and got ready to go, Kenn came and picked me up at 7:30 in the AM. At that moment when i ran to get the door, my nose started bleeding. Yeah that's a great start to the day ! hahaha. Ok, i laid there in the back of the camry..we changed cars and drove to AMPM to buy some breakfast and some ice for the cooler. As we were getting ready to leave AMPM, freakin chris calls and tells us that we don't have to be at the house until 9:30...GAHHHHHHHH. We sat there in the car flabberghasted and eating our breakfast. Eh just drove over to Chris'...and yeah...we didn't end up leaving until like 11. dude..we watched Kung pow, what a HORRIBLE movie. We piled into Chris' truck and drove two freaking hours to Riverside..Lake Perris. IT was so freaking tiring....all of us were sleeping. Chris didn't even sleep that night, i'm surprised he was so...hyper. Yeah we unloaded the cars and i watched the boys struggle with the koolers. One had wheels and the other didn't. Guess which one the really weak boys had to carry? Ohh man...Ken, Chris, Angelo and brand took turns carrying the freaking green kooler. We had to walk SO FAR. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh well. We got there and no one really spoke much; if they did..it was in tagalog. We all changed and waded in the lake for a bit. Then Uncle Richard took us in the boat. We were gonna try water skiing !

Chris went first and didn't really accomplish anything, he didn't even get pulled out of the water...kinda dragged for a second and he fell over about 3 times. His brother Herbert tried it about twice and go seasick, so we had to take him back. I felt so free just sitting in the front of the boat and feeling the air rush past me. It was a small boat that lifted its nose when you went fast enough. Brandon decided to go first..Ken was really skeptical and scared for his brother. But it was all good. Brand kept saying.."AGAIN !!!" The problem that they all had was that the skis were way too big and kept falling off their feet. Uncle richard let chris drive while he waterskiied. He showed us what it was all about. Ok, it was my turn. And haha we had found the small skis. They fit perfectly ! I laughed as i put them on...I jumped into the water and floated there remember what to do..1. Keep the tips of the skis out of the water . 2. bend your knees to your chest 3. hold the harness close to your body at first, then slowly release once you get going. 4.Keep the skis together. Gosh, it was so tiring..that's why i stretched before i went out. Chris got a cramp or two.....So..i was floating there with the harness and i yelled "OK !! GO" And dude i felt the power of the boat engine tug the rope ..increasing the tautness. Dude it was so exhilerating ! I got up a litte and fell forward, getting some water into my nose..My second try was the same..But the thrid and fourth times were kick ass, i got above the water and skied for a few seconds. Yeah i felt good. Cuz if those weaking Road Rules people could do it..I COULD DAMMIT !

Ken went after me after some convincing...he was so kool about it. He wasn't scared anymore and finally realized that he can always say " Hey i waterskiied." We headed back to shore and thanks uncle richard. Then we jumped onto the Sea doo. OMG that was fucking crazy. Usually Sea Doos are two seaters..this one was a 13 thou tircked out..FOUR SEATER ! The speed limit on the lake was 35 mph...but hahah..we were prolly goin like...60mph. We all took turns to drive...YES even me. When chris drove...he went so FAST...he hit 60 mph and we were all holding onto each other for dear life. Kenn was in the back and was freaking out about falling off and hitting the cement hard water. When Brand drove, we rode the waves pretty good..that was kool. When Ken drove, we hit the waves head on and got tons of water in the face. When i drove, we would go like 50-60..then stop hahaha..forcing the boys to hump each other..hahaha. We were like holding each other so hard, our arms hurt afterward. itried sitting in the back while chris drove..Dude i almost fell off, my legs flew up in the air..it was like riding a run away horse. We drove back to shore..oh gosh...my adrenaline was pumping. I changed and ate a little lunch...We packed up and dropped dead in the car. We drove back and chilled at chris' house..had some dinner and drove home. Dude. What a freaking kool day.